Garchomp's Completely Shameless Ice Age Parody
by thatdragonwiththetophat.com
Summary: Garchomp parodies some of the scenes from the Ice Age movies and shorts.
**_You could possibly consider this to be a spin off of_** ** _Poké Beat. As to why I chose Garchomp for this, it might have been from a combination of his size, shape, and features._**

 **Garchomp's Completely Shameless Ice Age Parody**

High in the snowy mountains, Garchomp stepped out of the mouth of a cavern, lifting his arm to shade his eyes with his fin as he peered out at the world before him. The ground was white with snow, yet the slight greenery of trees could be seen in the far distance.

Garchomp looked down at his stomach as it gurgled slightly. Growling hungrily, Garchomp bent down low as he walked forward onto the snow covered ground. His nostrils flared as he sniffed at the ground, and then he suddenly stopped and chuckled in self pride. He stood up straight to close his eyes to relive a memory. He then pantomimed digging a hole with his claws, cradling a bunch of berries in his arms, dropping them into the hole, and then pushing the dirt back into the hole with his arms. Garchomp nodded as he opened his eyes and smiled, then dragged his right foot on the ground right over the spot where he had buried his berries.

The Ground/Dragon-type's expression became confused as he only heard a subtle scratching sound. He looked down and saw that his footclaws only made three shallow scratches on the ground. Garchomp scratched at the ground with his right foot again, only to get the same result. Garchomp growled as he tipped his foot and started rapidly scratching at the ground, causing tiny flecks of ice to fly out from under his claws. At this point, Garchomp realized that the snow on the ground had frozen into solid ice.

Growling with frustration and impatience, Garchomp bent over and started scratching at the ground with his claws. When he saw that this only resulted in more ice chips being flaked off, Garchomp lost his patience and raised his left foot high and brought it down hard on the spot several times. However, on the fifth stomp, Garchomp's left foot suddenly sank down several inches into a left-Garchomp-foot shaped depression in the ice.

Garchomp stared at his sunken foot for a moment, then looked on in surprise as a large crack appeared behind his foot and snaked away from him. Garchomp turned his head to see the crack quickly grow and travel towards the mountains behind him. The crack suddenly turned and grew further, heading up to the glacier that surrounded and slightly covered the mountains.

Garchomp simply stared up at the mountains and glacier, the sound of the cracking ice echoing through the normally silent area. He watched as the crack ran straight up the side of the glacier, and then disappeared up on top of it, sending several pieces of ice flying. Then, there was a silence, as the crack had apparently stopped.

The Ground/Dragon-type cocked his head as he stared up at the glacier, but then became extra alert when he heard the loud rumbling sound. His eyes widened as he saw a large, incredibly massive chunk of the glacier break free and slide down from the mountains, and right towards him.

Garchomp, quickly turned his head forward and started to run forwards, only to fall flat due to his left foot being stuck in the ice. He quickly stood up again and tugged his leg upward in an attempt to free his foot. When his foot didn't budge, he wrapped his arms around his left leg the best he could and pulled with all his might. He strained with exertion, throwing his head back and clenching his teeth. He took a glance up at the rapidly approaching glacier and roared with fright. Garchomp pushed up hard with his right leg and gave on mighty tug, and his left foot finally popped out of the hole with a pop.

Garchomp landed on his back, and he opened his eyes and let out a roar of pure terror as he beheld the approaching ice shelf, and the huge shards of ice it was kicking up. He quickly got up on his feet and ran, his tail swinging wildly to avoid the smaller shards of ice. A large, pointy shard of ice smashed down behind him, the shock of it tossing him off his feet and causing him to stumble forwards. Garchomp forced himself to run faster, leaning forward and rushing as fast as he could to escape the crashing ice behind him.

Garchomp chanced a quick glance behind him, and when he turned to look ahead of him again, he let out a gasp when he saw another glacier sliding towards him from the opposite side. He slid to a halt, digging the heels of his big feet into the ice as best as he could. He then quickly turned and ran with both approaching glaciers on either side of him. As the twin glaciers got within a few yards of him, they ceased to kick up ice shards and just slid across the ground, closing in on him fast.

The Pokemon jumped forwards and landed on his red belly, throwing himself into a slide across the frozen ground, his arms at his side and his head down low, his mouth open wide as he shot towards an opening up ahead. However, just as the tip of his golden forehead reached the end, the side of the glacier closed in on Garchomp's shoulders and stopped him dead in his tracks. His eyes widened in panic as he felt the glaciers squeeze him tightly, and he desperately wrenched his right arm out of the closing glaciers, and then his left arm. He put his arms on the outside of the glaciers and pushed as hard as he could, until his body popped out of the closing space just as it shut completely.

Garchomp flailed his arms in a panic as he was sent flying off the side of a cliff and down into the land below. He cried out in fear as he fell, until he fell against the steep slope of the mountain and slid down it on his belly. He hit a ramp at the end of it and was tossed up a few feet into the air. Then he fell down the mountain, bouncing off the hard rock with a grunt of pain each time.

He then landed hard on solid ground, and lay face flat for a moment before opening his eyes and looking around. He started to push himself up, but saw that his claws were stuck into the ground. He pulled them out with a quick tug, and then slowly stood up straight on his feet. He looked around nervously, and let out a sigh of relief. He smiled as he looked at the warmer area he was now in, with grass and soil on the ground and some trees in the distance. Garchomp lifted his right foot to step forward.

At that moment, a large chunk of ice as big as him landed on top of him with a crash. Garchomp pushed the ice chunk off of him with shaking arms, and slowly got up, a sad look in his eyes. There was suddenly the sound of thunder, and Garchomp looked up just in time for it to see the skies open up above him, pouring rain down on him.

Garchomp hung his head, and his stomach let out loud gurgle. He sniffed and looked over at the trees as he started walking to them. When he got close enough, his eyes lit up as he saw an Oran berry atop a very tall tree. He quickly ran over to the tree and climbed up the tree, using his claws to hook onto the branches. Soon, he reached the very top of the tree, panting heavily from the exertion. He then eyed the Oran berry happily, and speared it gracefully with his claw. He held the berry up high, admiring it, and opened his mouth as he prepared to pull the berry in with his tongue.

Suddenly, he was struck by a bolt of lightning, burning the berry to black char. Garchomp's eyes rolled back as the burned berry crumbled off of his claw. Then he fell backwards off the tree, and quickly fell to the ground, hitting with enough force to smash through the ground and into a cave just below the surface.

Garchomp slid down a long passage for while, until he slammed face first into a wall of ice. He opened his eyes and worked to overcome his dizziness. His eyes then widened when when he saw a cluster of berries frozen in the ice. Garchomp roared and hacked at the ice with his claws. He dug deep into quickly, carving a deep tunnel into the ice wall. Eventually, he reached the frozen bunch of berries and pulled it free. He held it close, smiling joyfully, but then his smile was replaced with fear as he took a nervous look up at the ice above him. Then, the huge mass of ice fell, nearly squashing him flat. Still holding onto the frozen berries in his left claw, Garchomp started Dragon Clawing his way through the ice, until he formed a hole in front of him. He pushed the cluster of berries through the hole until it popped out, and then he stuck his head out. Garchomp's face became frustrated as he realized that his body couldn't fit through the hole. He reached for the berries, which had slid far out of his reach, and then let out a frustrated roar.

Garchomp lay there, staring at the berries, until he suddenly got an idea. He bit into the ice under his head with Fire Fang, and the ice around him quickly melted. He frantically crawled out form the ice and over to the berries. He desperately snatched up the berries and bit into them, only to find that his teeth couldn't pierce the frozen bunch. Garchomp frowned, and then he bit into the frozen berries again with Fire Fang. Garchomp looked on and nodded as the berries started to melt. Hope was in his eyes as he watched the ice drip from around the berries. Then, just as he was about start chewing, the berries all suddenly burst into flames and literally turned to ashes in his mouth.

Garchomp blinked, and then let out a roar of fury before stamping his feet. Suddenly, he broke through the ground below him and fell into another cave. He slid down another ramp and was flung out through an opening into the open air. He landed head first on a rock, and his unconscious form rolled down a snowy hill, causing him to roll into a giant snowball that landed into a pool of icy water in an icy splash.

He was unconscious in nearly an instant, and when he awoke some time later, he found himself frozen in ice from the neck down, with his arms sticking out from the block of ice he was inside of. The Sun was hot and beating down on him, slowly melting the ice. He also noticed that he was on a beach, with ferns and tall tropical trees before him. Garchomp suddenly heard the sound of his stomach growling loudly, and closed his eyes and clenched his teeth, and then suddenly burst out of the ice, roaring with rage and frustration at his intense hunger.

He ran towards a trees and started hacking at it with his claws, nearly blinded by anger. Suddenly, he heard something hit the ground behind him. He turned around, and gasped when he saw that it was a large coconut. Garchomp gleefully picked it up and shook it a few times. He patted his stomach gently, and then dropped the coconut onto the ground. Raising his left foot, he stomped on the coconut several times in an attempt to crack it open. However, on the third stomp, the coconut sunk into the ground, and a large crack snaked out from the coconut.

Garchomp gasped and ran besides the rapidly advancing crack in the ground, shaking his head and whimpering in fear. He tried pushing bits of earth back into the crack in order to stop it, but the crack continued on. He stomped on the crack, and even dug his claws into the ground in an attempt to pull it closed, but it did nothing to stop it.

Garchomp stopped as the crack shot out ahead of him, and he watched as the crack shot up the side of a huge volcano and went it. There was loud rumbling, and then an explosion as smoke spewed out of the volcano, followed by a flow of lava.

Garchomp's left eye twitched, and he quickly turned and ran back to the coconut. Huge balls of lava landed right where Garchomp's stood second ago, causing Garchomp to run faster. When he got to the coconut, he put his claws on either side of the coconut to get a grip on it, but his claws slid right off the sides of it. Garchomp shook his head in denial as he scratched frantically at the coconut as the rumbling of the volcano got louder by the second. He then desperately dug his claws into the ground on either of the coconut and pulled. With a pop, the coconut came out, and Garchomp held it securely in his arms.

Almost instantly, the rumbling of the volcano ceased. Garchomp let out a sigh of relief, his eyes betraying a looking of pure calm. He then saw that the coconut was cracked down the middle. He held it in the crook of his right arm and spit it open with his left claw, and his eyes looked down at the pure white milk and flesh within the coconut. Garchomp sniffed the inside of the coconut delicately, and let out a sigh of contentment. He then opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue to lap up some of the milk, but at that very second the hole the coconut left in the ground exploded with a burst of lava and volcanic ash. This sent Garchomp flying into the air, and the two halves of the coconut fell onto the ground, their insides untouched.

Garchomp was sent blasting off into the sky, yelling as he flew at a fast speed. The wind whipping against his eyes made it difficult for him to see where he was going. After a while of flying through the air at a very high arc and a long distance, Garchomp finally made a crash landing on his stomach.

Garchomp slowly lifted his head and breathed in and out heavily. Then, he got up on his feet and took a look around. He had landed on a field full of tightly packed boulders, each one about the size of his head, which made up the ground he was standing on. The bumpy area was a circle more or less, and Garchomp was standing right in the center of it. It extended out from where he stood for a few yards, which was pretty big.

Garchomp looked around, mystified by the area, and he took several steps forward. Suddenly, a popping sound caught his attention, and he turned around. He saw that one of the rocks, the one his left foot had been on before he moved, had suddenly popped up a bit. Suddenly curious, Garchomp approached the rock and examined it on all sides. Then, he raised his left foot high to stomp the rock back into place. However, he stopped half way as a nervous thought went through his mind. Garchomp put his foot down gently, and wrapped his arms around the rock to carefully screw the rock back down. He then carefully tapped the rock down a bit with his claws until it was back into place.

Garchomp smiled proudly and nodded, and then turned to walk away. However, another popping sound reached his ears, and he turned around fast to see that the rock had popped back up. Garchomp cocked his head at the rock in confusion, and then quickly went back to it and gently put his left foot on top of it. Using his own weight, he slowly pressed the rock back into place. Garchomp took his foot off the rock and motioned with his arms for it to stay, and then turned to walk away, only to hear the rock pop out again.

Loosing his patience, Garchomp hit the rock several times with his claws, hammering it back down, and glared at it, breathing heavily. He turned to march away angrily, but his eyes widened when he heard the rock pop out yet again.

Garchomp roared with rage as he rounded on the rock, lifted his left foot high, and stomped on it with all his might several times in rapid succession. On the sixth stomp, both the rock and Garchomp's foot sunk into the ground. Garchomp looked around and saw that all of the rock around him were starting tremble and sink, and slowly roll in a circular motion. Garchomp's face was a picture of dread as he was slowly pulled down into the ground by the spinning rocks.

Soon, Garchomp disappeared into the tall mesa he had landed on. Before long, out of a large hole on the side of the mesa, all of the rocks suddenly shot out, and Garchomp with them. He was caught up in the avalanche of boulders, and rolled along with them down an incline and off the side of a cliff.

Garchomp flailed wildly as he fell, but then quickly covered his face with his wings. He did this for a few seconds, but then uncovered his face after realizing he hadn't hit the ground yet. As he fell in free fall, he looked around and slaw all of the boulders floating around him. Interested, he reached out and grabbed one with his claw. To his surprise, the rock felt weightless to him. Captivated with the phenomena, Garchomp smiled eagerly as he began pushing himself through the air and collecting the rocks.

Before long, Garchomp had made a platform to ride on, and guiding it to collect more rocks. Garchomp laughed happily as he managed to grab every single rock into a large weightless mass. Standing on top of it, Garchomp smiled proudly. Then, the whole thing turned upside down, and Garchomp spotted the rapidly approaching glacier below him.

He roared with fright and ran up to the top side of the pack of rocks, which was quickly starting to break up. He jumped off of the pack, grasping at thing air with his claws, and then promptly fell the remaining distance, spinning around and landing flat on his back with enough force to make a deep indentation in the ice.

Garchomp groaned in pain as he opened his eyes slowly. The sound of the rocks hitting the icy surface around him kept him out of unconsciousness. When the echoes of the noise finally ceased, Garchomp was finally able to focus on the sky above him. It was then that he noticed one final rock, the rock that kept popping back up, was still falling from a great height above him. Garchomp's eyes crossed to see the round shadow over his golden forehead, and his eyes widened in fear as he quickly tried to get up. However,, he found himself stuck fast in the indentation he made from his fall.

As the rock picked up speed above him, Garchomp frantically pulled his left arm, trying to free it. With a mighty tug, it popped out. He then looked up and saw that the rock was spinning and burning through the air like a meteor. He roared in horror, and began tugging his right arm with all his strength. He smiled in relief when it popped out, but looked up just in time to receive a direct hit from the rock on his golden star. The rock shattered and forced Garchomp down into his indentation, causing his arms and legs to stick straight up. They stood like this for a few seconds, and then weakly fell down.

After a few more seconds, Garchomp shakily pulled himself up into a sitting position, a dizzy and pained expression on his face. However, he didn't look too worse for wear after the hit. Garchomp then became alert when he heard a loud cracking sound. He saw that a large crack had formed a circle around where he sat, and that his circle of ice was quickly sinking downwards. Then he looked up and gasped when he saw that the ice around him was rising and moving away from him rapidly.

Before Garchomp could even move, he found himself sitting on a tiny island in the middle of a vast body of water with tall walls of glacier all around him in the distance. A sad look overcame his face to replace his surprised one, and he gave a pitiful sigh as he crawled out of his hole, fell into the water, and started swimming straight ahead.

Garchomp didn't say, think, or do much as he swam straight ahead, not letting himself stop, and ignoring his hunger and soreness. After much perseverance, he made it to the icy face of the glacier. He looked up the sheer wall that went up high above him, and took a deep breath. He then dug his claws into the glacier and pulled himself up, using his pointy footclaws to hold on and push himself upwards.

Garchomp grunted with exertion as he climbed up higher and higher, putting all his focus into scaling the glacier. He soon came to the underneath of a large overhang on the glacier. Undaunted, Garchomp reached up and dug his claws into the ice above him. He then swung his body and dug his foot claws into the ice as well. He crawled upside down, using his claws to hang on, when suddenly, just as he was almost to the end of the overhang, His claws pulled loose and he let out a frightened roar.

At that very instant, with his face being close to and nearly pressed up against the ice, Garchomp's tongue lolled out a bit and touched the ice, freezing to it instantly. Garchomp soon found himself hanging by his tongue, his eyes wide with shook. Garchomp hung like this for a moment, staring up at his tongue. then he regained his senses and started swinging back and forth, with his back to the end of the overhang. Garchomp repeated this swinging motion three times, and then thew all his weight into his backswing, pulling his tongue off the ice and flipping up and over the overhang.

Garchomp hung onto the overhang with his claws, his eyes shut fearfully. Then he opened them and smiled with relief, and quickly scrambled up the side of the glacier, digging his claws into the ice as he neared the top. However, when he was within six feet of the top, a loud gurgling sound caught his attention and made him pause. Suddenly, a spurt of water came out of the glacier, pushing his left claw out of it.

Garchomp glanced at the spurt of water worriedly, and then quickly jammed his left claw back into the hole, stopping the water. He gave a relieved smile, only the gasp as a spurt of water pushed out his right claw. He jammed that claw back into the hole, only to have water push out his left foot. He plugged that hole with his left foot, and immediately a fourth spurt of water knocked out his right foot, which he promptly plugged back up.

He stared at the ice wall in frustration for a moment, only for a hole to open up right in front of him and spray him in the face with water. Garchomp growled and put his mouth over the hole, and his eyes widened as water was quickly pumped into him. His stomach was quickly filling up and swelling like a giant water balloon, and in only a few seconds, Garchomp's limbs popped out of the hole, and he was sent flying backwards from the force of the water shooting out of him. Garchomp spun and turned wildly as he was propelled up high and through the air.

Eventually, all the water was out of him, and he hung in the air for a second. He let out a cry of fear as he fell straight down from a great height. He smashed through the top of the glacier, through a section of ice within, bounced painfully off a ledge of hard ice, and smashed down face flat on a layer of thick ice.

Garchomp groaned and got up slowly, looking around his surroundings. He was standing on top of a large section of ice over that covered a body of water. Growling lowly, Garchomp took a step forward, only for an oblong section of ice below him to suddenly dip down like a kind of trap door, sending Garchomp into the water.

Holding his breath, Garchomp banged on the ice above him, trying to get it to open up again. Eventually, he gave it a good knock with his arm, and the ice spun up and around, swinging Garchomp up and out of the water. Garchomp extended one of his claws up through the ice and hooked onto the loose section, he pulled himself up, only to have the section spin up and dump him back in. Garchomp tried climbing up the ice, but it was hard and slippery. Eventually, he pulled himself up onto the side of the ice and tried running forward, but the spinning section below him kept getting kicked by his feet, putting him on an odd looking treadmill. Eventually, the spinning ice was too fast, and Garchomp fell backwards and was hit in the base of the tail several times by the ice. He then landed on top of the section, and it spun several times, and then stopped, leaving him trapped beneath the ice.

Undaunted, Garchomp swam underneath the surface, touching the ice until he found a weak spot in the ice. He then headbutted his head out through the ice and took several deep breaths. Then he looked down, fully aware that the rest of his body was submerged in the cold water. Beneath the ice, he used his claws to carve a circular hole in the ice. He then pulled himself up and out, now wearing a large, round, collar made of heavy ice. He stumbled forwards a few steps, then fell on his side. The icy collar caused him to role a bit, until we went into a circle and fell flat on his face. He picked himself up again, and tried walking forward, noticing only too late that he was approaching a cliff. He looked left and right as the weight of the ice collar carried him over the side and onto a section of ice in front of a wide stretch of water.

Garchomp finally pulled his head out of the ice, and looked out to the distant glacier wall. He gingerly dipped his left foot into the water, then recoiled and shivered at it's temperature. He thought for a moment, then looked around some more. Suddenly, he spotted what looked like a tall and long ice slide with a ramp at the end of it. He nodded resolutely, and quickly ran over to it.

One at the top of the slide, Garchomp aimed himself, positioned himself, held onto the sides of the slide, and then threw himself down it. He slid down fast and hit the ramp even faster. He flew through the air in a tall arc, and then splashed down about a foot away from the glacier.

Garchomp came up immediately and started scaling the wall of ice, digging his claws into the side of it. He went up the wall fast, slamming his claws into the ice and pulling them out again as he moved up swiftly. By the time he was finally out of breath, he had finally made it to the top.

Garchomp panted loudly as he looked around, relieved that he had made it. He took one step forward, but froze when he heard a loud cracking sound. He looked down and saw that a crack had connected the holes his claws made in the ice. He turned around and watched as the crack connected all the other holes his claws made as he climbed up. Then, without warning, the entire glacier split in half, and Garchomp nearly fell down the crevice. However, his arms shot out on either side of him out of instinct, and he held onto both sides by his claws.

He clenched his teeth and groaned as he tried to hold the two halves of the glacier together, but it was in vain, as the glacier continued to split, and the crevice below him grew wider. This, in turn, stretched out Garchomp's arms painfully. Before long, Garchomp's body was stretching as well. After being stretched to the point that he was nearly as short as a Gabite, his claws finally pulled free of the ice, and his body snapped back to its normal shape. Garchomp then let out a horrified yell as he fell down fast, right into a huge deluge of water that rapidly flooded into the newly opened crevice.

Garchomp world was flooded with noise and chaos for what felt like forever. Eventually, the noise and madness stopped, and Garchomp found himself lying on his back, staring up into a brightly lit sky. As he slowly sat up, he realized that he was sitting atop what appeared to be clouds.

More confused than ever, Garchomp looked up to see a large golden gate swing open before him. Seeing nowhere else to go, Garchomp forward through the gate, and gasped in awe when he saw that nearly infinite amount of berries of every variety scattered around him. Garchomp jumped for joy, and quickly began gathering up as much of the berries as he could carry. However, he suddenly froze and dropped them all when he spotted something a short distance away.

It was an enormous Pecha Berry, one a little bit bigger than he was. Garchomp eyes welled up with tears of joy, and he gracefully took leaping strides over to it, wonderfully and truly happy as he opened his claws wide to embrace the berry.

As Garchomp took the final leap over to the berry, he let his tongue loll out of his mouth as he brought his mouth forward. He then felt himself suddenly stop in mid air. He blinked, and he tried to move his legs, but they were held in place by an irresistible force. Confused, Garchomp quickly brought his right arm in front of him and reached for the berry. He strained as he tried to touch it, but there was about a fourth of a centimeter between the tip of his claw and the surface of the huge berry.

Then, to Garchomp's horror, he felt himself being pulled backwards. He whimpered in despair as he fell to the ground and tried to dig his claws into the clouds, but the force still continued to pull him back by the tail. Before Garchomp knew it, he was being pulled out through the gates, which closed in front of him. Garchomp used his claws to hang onto the golden bars of the gate, and his eyes widened as he looked up at the giant Pecha Berry, and then back down at his arms, which being stretched out longer and longer. Eventually, Garchomp's claws slipped off of the bars, and Garchomp roared out in despair as he was pulled backwards into darkness.

The darkness was suddenly broken when Garchomp's eyes snapped open, and he found himself lying on is back on a solid metal surface. He sat up quickly, and water dripped from all over his body. Garchomp looked around and saw that he was in a large dark room, possibly a basement, and that he was surrounded by thick metal bars.

Garchomp took a few deep and heavy breaths, and then let out a rage and anguish filled roar.

* * *

 _ **Okay, so this turned out to be a prequel to Garchomp's chapter in** **Poké** **Beat! I guess that means you should go ahead and read it to find out what happens next!**_


End file.
